February 2008

23:10 - 29/02/08 - Leap Day

Wow! A free day... kinda. I was going to post a pic from Summer Glau in celebration, but my internet connection is so poor I can't even use Google image search, my advice, don't touch Virgin Media ADSL if you can possibly help it. I think I may write them an angry letter about how crap their service is, as I'm moving come June it hardly seems worth the effort of switching though, guess I'll just stick it out. I'd write more but I'm not sure I'd be able to upload it before midnight.

17:25 - 11/02/08 - Life

Trying to choose what to do with my life after University seems to me to be rather like trying to choose from a sparse menu, I'm not sure I want any of the options and in fact sometimes I'm not sure I want to be at this restaurant at all, although I'm not sure what that translates to in terms of life.

Since I realised that it would look quite good on my CV if I mentioned that I'd maintained a hand-coded website for over four years I've not really wanted to blog as prospective employers might read it. Especially when all I really want to write about is how I have no real idea what I'd like to do with my life and how I think the majority of British industry is superfluous or, to put it more bluntly, retarded. I've decided I don't care, if they want to judge me or think that I need to have wanted to do whatever it is they want me to do since childhood they can, I'll just have to hope there are some HR people out there with a grain of sense.

Having said all that I think I might outline my position on my major options. I love the idea of being paid to study more, and the chance of being able to tackle some truly complex problems that actually have some sort of use, so from that point of view a PhD would be great. However, because of my fuck up in my third year, my technical aptitude might be lacking - although I could pull that up with work - but it also makes it harder to actually get funding in a good research group. I'm also concerned by the lack of cash, it seems to be you get to work your ass off just as hard as a real job, but have to live like a student, the appeasement being that you're doing something you really enjoy and you get Dr in front of your name at the end. Well, I think there are jobs out there I'd enjoy as much day to day (although probably not in the long term), and I'm getting sick and tired of having no money, living in shared accommodation and having no car.

So what about well paid jobs... the most money I could probably make would be in finance or consulting jobs. Problem is, I think finance is pretty much expanding the rich poor gap and taking a cut, not really my idea of an emotionally fulfilling job. Consulting to me just seems stupid, I mean why didn't they just design it properly in the first place?! And the idea of running around the country and having to get to grips with a problem no one else seems to be able to solve every few weeks doesn't appeal much either. Outsourcing on the other hand, which is related, seems slightly more sensible, you realise someone else could do it better so you pay them to, something like that I think I could be a part of. However the pay there isn't so good, and what I'd like to do is program, and code monkeys are everywhere and so cost nothing, plus I need training, maybe there's a graduate hungry company out there that might want me though.

That leaves the slightly less well paid jobs, generally in the science industry / defence rather than the 'service business', but the money there seems pitiful compared (generally about 30% less) and I'm not sure I'd find the work anymore enjoyable, in fact sometimes I think it would probably be less enjoyable - everything in science seems too applied to me - only bonus is it might be less hours. Plus on the point of 'defence' jobs working association with basically producing arms, which seems like the only thing Britain exports these days, doesn't appeal to my principled side much either. Like I said, there's the possibility of programming jobs but having been rejected after interview by Data Connection (although they actually pay very well) for no specified reason I'm slightly dejected on that front.

So all in all, I don't really know what I want to do, and I'm not sure I could get any of them even if I decided what I wanted. To top it off this mess is pretty much of my own making just because I was being childish about the fact I worked my fucking ass off for 7 years and got fuck all recognition and qualifications that seem to be redundant, only to go to a university where they pandered to the slackers even more in the first two years than my school ever did. Then once they've drained all the hope I ever had about being principled and working hard being worth it they increase the difficultly level ten fold and remove your academic tutors, fucking classic. This all just feels rather unfair.